LOVING PRESENCE - THE HEART OF HAKOMI

by Ron Kurtz

I started doing psychotherapy in 1970. By 1979 I'd developed enough original techniques and ideas to justify calling it a new method. The Hakomi Institute started the same year. Now, over sixty teachers and trainers teach the method in many parts of the world. The Hakomi Method is based on five basic principles: unity, organicity, non-violence, mind-body holism, and mindfulness.

What makes Hakomi somewhat unique is that it involves the evocation of experience in mindfulness. The experiences evoked tell us what kind of models the client is holding about herself and her world. More important, the models are often immediately clear to the client. This method often releases emotions that would be very hard to release any other way. The state of mindfulness is a deliberate choice on the part of the client to be vulnerable and sensitive.

Eastern philosophy teaches us that when the mind becomes silent (when you have lowered the noise of bodily tension, busy thoughts, and concerns of all kinds), then the signal (which is the beauty and reality of spirit) will simply emerge. That signal, like the stars which appear when the sun goes down, is always present, hidden by the noise we make.

Two of the main advantages of this method are that it supports personal responsibility (by showing clearly how experiences are organized by inner models and beliefs) and that it avoids confusion (by studying and processing evoked experiences in the here and now, letting the person discover who she is rather than theorizing about that.)

In order for the client to become vulnerable (mindful), he or she has to feel safe. So, the first task of a Hakomi therapist is to help the other person feel safe. The most basic way to do this is to have an active, deep respect and compassion for all beings.

When I built Hakomi on the principles of non-violence and mindfulness, it gave the therapy a strong spiritual foundation. Hakomi has been called applied Buddhism.

Over the years I have come to a greater understanding of the importance of the healing relationship. This involves two basic things. First the therapist has to demonstrate that she's trustworthy, non-judgmental and compassionate. Second, she has to demonstrate that she is present, attentive, and really understands what's going on for the person. The healing relationship is about gaining the trust and cooperation of the unconscious through compassion and understanding. If we can do that, therapy really happens.

The creation of the healing relationship in therapy requires that the therapist be a certain kind of person, a person who is naturally compassionate, able to be radically present, able to give full attention to another. All of that takes a certain state of mind.

Hakomi has now evolved to a point where a significant factor is the spiritual development of the therapist... the development of personhood. This has become the focus for my trainings.

Here is how Hakomi works: the practice of loving presence helps the client feel safe and understood. That makes mindfulness possible. The therapist then finds ways (little experiments) to evoke bodily experiences in mindfulness. These are direct expressions of core beliefs (models of self and the world that organize all experience). When these core beliefs are made conscious and understood, change becomes possible.

I am convinced that richness and depth in any relationship, including that of client and therapist, depend exclusively on the state of mind of the people relating. I have come to realize that beautiful work in therapy is the natural outcome of the state of mind of the therapist, a state of mind I call loving presence. If we are calm, if we lower our internal noise, we become more sensitive. Being present with high sensitivity, we are very aware of what the other is experiencing. When we put our personal agendas aside, we see through the surface manifestations of the other person to the strength and suffering at the core. Touching that core, we are moved to compassion. From compassion, right action emerges. Our state of mind begins this process and is in turn sustained by it.

For me, therapy is no longer about techniques and theories. Now it requires that I turn inward, that I change who I am, that I seek and become the highest expression of who I can be, as a person, as one human soul relating to other souls. I'm still trying to be a good therapist. I still have to know and use my therapist's craft. But all of that is not enough. I need to be a loving presence, to come from my heart and spirit.

Being in a calm, clear, and loving state of mind is not just something we do to be better therapists, it is a path to liberation, a spiritual practice. It creates a sacred space in which both client and therapist are nourished, a space which is the ground for healing.